10 April 2014

Flashback 25- Lipgloss and Letdown

Last we left, I was popping out from under a table hitting the lights and confronting 10 girls arguing.

Of these 10 girls, I had kissed about 7 of them in my life, 3 of them that night (spin the bottle/007 in heaven). To my surprise 3 of them liked me. I had kissed 2 of the 3 that liked me and 1 of those was for the first time at this party.

Caught up?

Understand?

It's not that fucking diffucult.

Immediately after I turned on the lights the girls started screaming, both at each other and at me.  My friend grabbed me violently and pulled me out and into the backyard. As I was being whisked away I had no idea how to react at all the yelling and I probably had the most puzzled look.

My friend throws me against the fence in the backyard which results in me punching him, I have no idea why. Confusion doesn't make me violent but the other guys were still pushing and shoving and I was at a lost from the events in the basement it became reaction.

After I got the shit kicked out of me by my friend, I ran down stairs half crying to the bathroom to clean up. The 20 people at this party are now either fighting, confused or yelling after spending 4-5 hours having a great time. The 3 girls that like me ( Girl A - I had kissed many times and we kinda had a thing, Girl B- I always liked and kissed for the first time tonight and Girl C I knew very little about her, other than another guy at the party and her were kinda dating. Also she sat behind me in almost all of my classes due to our last names and I often had to pass notes for her without any conversation between us READ AS I AM DUMB)come rushing to the bathroom together and despite the argument they use teamwork to calm me down and clean a cut I had on my face.

When I was all cleaned up I realized I had no idea what to do next, vulnerable and exposed. I asked Girl B and C to leave me with Girl A. We yelled at fought about everything we would always yell and fight about and what normally kept us from being a couple. She left the bathroom in tears, I remained. Girl C comes in and we start talking, she explains her crush on me and how stupid she felt when I was eves-dropping. Her crush was apparently deep, but she never wanted to act upon it before the party, after the party or regardless of the party. She explained how she rather date my friend and left me crying in the bathroom.

Girl B never came in. When I emerged the lights were on, couples were together cuddling and everyone was watching TV. Absent was Girl B and Girl A. Some people had left, due to the fights and such but my ride home was coming at a specific time and I had to wait an hour or so more. I go outside and Girl A is crying by the steps and Girl B is against the fence KISSING my friend that beat me up.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Round 2 saw me with the upper hand, admittingly all because of a sucker punch. Girl A and B attempted to break up the fight but we wrestled on the ground to the guys inside came outside and separated us. I was forced to leave, ripped shirt and all. My walk of shame though was accompanied by Girl A and we went to McD's and made out. We talked things over and I asked her out.
 

She said no and went back to the party.  I spent the last 30 minutes across the street mangled and crying.

Monday came, school bell rung at the time it always did and everything was normal again. Pre-drinking and pre-drugs we all moved on like a hangover. Some of us talked it over, some of us pretended the party never happened. We all graduated and unlike Hollywood suggest we never really spoke again and almost immediately. I went to high school closer to home (were I might all these stupid CAN YOU BELIEVE GUYS) and they did something else.

Dear Girl A -  Thanks for always being stubborn, so much good came out of us never being together
Girl B- I miss you
Girl C - yeah...uhh...ok? nothing really to say....never was
Friend - I'm so happy I won one of our many fist fights, even if it was a sucker punch
Everyone Else there - I hope you are all fat and alone. Nah just kidding! Fuck Twain - Fuck Bay, we got the BOOTY!

But First....


Started off the baseball viewing season at Citifield with Steve, Jason, Rush My Frat Guy (yes he still exists) and the ALL MIGHTY BLAKE.

After the game (which we fucking lost) (which we had seats underneath the WOR booth and Steve Phillips, that asshole, was getting flipped off by all of us) we went to Mcfadden's. The bar where guys get the free shots and girls dance on the bar.

The four I was with decided to get as good and drunk as possible (drunk enough to lightsaber battle with traffic cones in the Citifield parking lot in front of cops) and try and hit on girls. This was a fun event for me because they all suck at that and them being drunk makes it better.

  • Rush My Frat Guy got into a fight with a bouncer over them leaning on each other staring at a girl
  • Jason spent all of his money buying shots from the shot girl trying to flirt with her, do I need to type the end of that?
  • Rush My Frat Guy and Blake talked to lesbians till Blake spilled his Rum and Coke all over one of them
  • Jason walked by a girl with a Yankee hat and mocked her starting a hissy fit
  • Blake used my superhero story to these four girls (pretend to be the civilian version of a superhero, ie: Peter, works at a pizza place, loves photography and science) while Steve distracted the girls guys friends (who happened to be wearing the opposing jerseys from the game) with the family switcharoo (distract a guy in a group of girls by talking about your family if you get buddy buddy with the guys mention how your sister is a model/actress going through a divorce that has you involved and conflicted) But one girl caught on to his Bruce story when he pushed it with a "Brush Smash" following a shot. 
Meanwhile
  • I gave my number to a girl
  • I got a card from another girl

07 April 2014

Flashback 24 - They Are Amongst Us?!

Once upon a time, I was in Middle School.

I know! Can you believe that guy? Like not everyone went to Middle School! I iz da b3$t!

...Anyways, I went to David A. Boody I. S 228...yes that's a real school. It's actually a magnet school for smart people. David A Boody  I.S. 228 Magnet School...but we got booty!!! ( no don't take it that way they are underage - they had booty when I was there and their age I am not )



This school was a two hour bus commute to get to and from, that some days was shorten to a 40 min car ride each way if I car pooled with my best friends parent and my parents. Despite being best friends we both butterflied out to different aspects of the school and made our own friends from the local area. In my 8th grade I really struggled to keep up with the workload on top of hanging out with local kids that didn't have the greatest habits. Somehow I found the group of slackers despite being in extra hours classes like chess and astrology.

Many games of 007 Goldeneye were followed by locking ourselves in in closets with the opposite sex for 007 minutes. One party towards the end of the year involved a darked out basement some 007 in heaven and spin the bottle. We actually had foot races to pick the order of spinning, both guys and girls took turns with foot races.

We had a  strobe light and a spinning disco ball so we started a dance party. There was about 10 guys and about 10 girls and we were all having a good time for several hours. But that many guys and that many girls, something has to break. Outside a fist fight between two guys left the 10 girls inside yelling at each other for starting the fight and who wanted to date who. Little did they know a friend and I were in the dark sitting under the counter listening to them.

This espionage gave me the news that THREE....THREE girls liked me. What do you do when girls are cat fighting and bitching over guys and THREE GIRLS start bringing you up....and no one knows you are right next to them listening!?! I'm in the eighth grade, if there is a correct answer to that question, let me tell you I didn't know it at the time.

SO TA DAH! HIT THE LIGHTS HERE I AM!
 

                                                                                                                                      to be continued....

03 April 2014

Baseball Re-Alignment, Team Addition and Playoff Expansion

As a fan of the blog, when YOSO asked me to write a piece on my favorite topic I had no where else to turn but Baseball. With 15 team leagues and the Players Association pushing slowly for DH in the NL for more job security there is a simple solution, read here: 

I love the NL and the lack of the DH but I also love the MLB for having a slightly different league to league product, no other major sport has that. So to end the anti DH/ DH argument I propose adding two teams and let the AL keep the DH and the NL not have the DH. This isn’t a completely new, or even just my idea, as many others mention this just my take. With the new team count of 16 AL and 16 NL I also propose, division realignment and playoff team increase all tied together. The new league structure would be four divisions of four teams each. This would also add 50 additional MLB salaries for players something the players association will easily get behind dropping their push for MLB wide DH. It would also bring extra revenue to the revenue sharing table and expanded the MLB brand. Expanding the league could also expand the playoffs while still keeping MLB's ratio of teams lower than the NBA or NHL.

New Divisions
NL East -Mets - Phillies - Pirates -Flex
NL South- Braves - Marlins - Flex/New
 NL North- Cubs - Cardinals - Brewers -  Flex/New
NL West- Padres - Dodgers - Diamondbacks - Giants
AL East- Yankees - Blue Jays - Orioles - Red Sox
AL South - Rays - Royals - Astros - Rangers
AL North - Twins - Indians - White Sox - Tigers
AL West- Athletics - Angels - Mariners - Flex/New
Flex - Rockies (NL Central or AL West) Reds (NL East or NL North) Nationals (NL East or NL South)
New Franchises- San Juan (NL south) - Carolinas (NL South) - New Orleans (NL South) - Nashville (NL South/ NL North)  Indianapolis (NL North)  Portland Oregon (AL West) Salt Lake City (AL West) Las Vegas (AL West) Vancouver (AL West)  


Season Breakdown
54 games in division (18 games per 3 teams preferably in the form of 3 home/away series of three games each series)
96 out of division in league (8 games per 12 teams preferably in the form of home/away series of four games each series)
12 games out of league (one 3 games series per 4 teams) Home team DH rule. True division versus division rotation meaning those interstate rivalries will be played only once every 4 years making them more exciting and uncommon. You host 2 interleague series and you are on the road for 2 interleague series (back to the interstate rivalries- you only host it once every eight years). All Star booster tie in, all four series are played in a row, immediately leading up to and before the All-star game meaning the All-star game ends interleague play. That way if you didn’t get a chance to see a (insert team’s best player here) in interleague because of the division rotation, you may get to see him in the All-Star game.

Playoffs
4 Division winners and 2 wild cards with the 2 best division winner records get a bye. In the wildcard round division winners 3 and 4 host wildcard teams 2 and 1 respectfully in a best of 3 series. Making it more important to not only win your division but also get the bye keeping playoff positioning races along with playoff races for exciting end of September. Also the short series prevents the bye team from get rusty and keeps the playoffs from being a two month event. Division winners in the round host the series, home-home-away, losing home field advantage in the game deciding game, but cuts down on travel time especially if the series is decided before game 3. You can schedule home/home/away in 4 days playing the home games back to back no day off. If you did home/away/home it would have to be scheduled 5 days with rest days in between games just in case it was an east/west matchup. Division round is a 5 game series with normal home/home/away/away/home format with best seed facing worst seed. No change to championship series or World Series. World Series DH rule follows current rule, home league DH rule. The additional playoff teams is another reason the owners would allow 2 more teams as more playoff chances equals more revenue chances. Bye series and the fear of a wildcard team not hosting a home playoff game gives teams less reason to cake it at the end of the season when already in position for the playoffs.

Wildcard- Home-Home-Away
Division- Home- Home- Away- Away-Home
League Championship Home- Home- Away- Away-Home - Away - Home
World Series Home- Home- Away- Away-Home - Away - Home

Parting Words
I think this has a nice mix of traditional baseball and keeping up with other sports. Maybe make interleague more interesting with the cutback of games and maybe even add some draw to the All-Star game. It should produce more revenue in TV deals,  merchandise, expanded playoffs and ticket sales.

Sincerely,
Caller from Queens

31 March 2014

Ink Master Season 4

One of the more popular posts here on CYBTG is my Ink Master reviews.

I left off in Season 3, unhappy how gimmicky the season was only to start Season 4 with a bad taste. Now 5 episodes in, this season is obviously scripted. As the franchise has gone on and on they have catered more to the retarded shows of spending 25% of the episode recalling what happened before the commercial break and earlier in the episode. The episode has a theme to judge off, which they have to explain 3 or 4 times. They are either catering to the A.D.D fanbase or love filler.

Back to the scripted idea, numerous times, they cut from scene to scene and a one on one camera interview will lead into a group of them sitting around talking about the same topic. One of the artist made a comment about another artist tattoo in a one on one and the judge said the same comment word for word. There has been a fight/quit/major event every episode....c'mon now what happen to set up? what happened to peaks and valleys of a season? Every episode is the 0MGZ CRZYIEST DING EVA!!!!! Let's get on the topic of them sitting down after every contest arguing about the contest, they have bedrooms, why does everyone always flock to the living room to fight? Maybe they're told they have to? And no one walks away, probably because they can't?  Two people were talking about one person, that person walks in already talking the same topic of conversation. How do you walk in a room and already in the conversation? Easy when they are lines in a script.

The spin of the season is the winner of the contest can demote someone to the elimination. Okay sounds fun. But they ask the winner to demote someone before they announce who else is demoted. What if he wanted to demote someone that they were going to demote anyway? Why hasn't that happened 5 episodes in? If it's a bad tattoo can't the artist agree with the judges. Oh but it's scripted so they make sure that doesn't happen because it would negate the spin of the season.

In closing, over-dramatic, highly repetitive (I think 48 minute episodes have 28 minutes of episode and 20 minutes of recoil/repeat)  scripted series is plagued by trying to top its earlier seasons successes and can't. Let's see if tomorrow and episode 6 will be a positive change.

Topfive Things That Will Be Better Tomorrow
-Wine, you hipster

-Your beard, you hipster
-Your muscles, bro
-My WoW level, you nerd
-Yesterday, you philosopher


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